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Bar Brawls and Old Friends

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Bar Brawls and Old Friends

Post by Mr. Dashing on Wed Aug 08, 2018 4:27 am

If you're a wrestling fan on this beautiful morning, and you have access to the radio or a podcast, then you're listening to 121.6 FM the HOTTEST wrestling talk morning show in all the land. Partly because it's the only wrestling talk morning show in all the land, but that's neither here nor there.

Point is, if you care about what's happening in CMV, NGCW, Sirona Bay Wrestling or want the latest on D'Angelo St. Daniels' upcoming "One Sweet Night" then you're tuned in with the volume dial cranked all the way up.


OSIRIS: Goooooooooood morning ladies and gentlemen! It's the one and only, the real not phony, the man with the plan and the magic hands: Osiris! Thank you once again for tuning in, and, boy oh BOY do we have a doozy for all of you folks.

As you all know, as a CMV legend, it's only right that I keep you all up to date with what's going on in my old stomping grounds. And, if you've been listening these last couple of days in particular, then you know this animosity between Brulé, still can't get over what a dumb name that is, and Kliq--Good Brothers--whatever the hell they're calling themselves this week, have reached an all time high.

Trust me folks, I've known Brett Angel for years, and I've never seen him like this. He's been locked in before. He's been focused before. But I've never seen him so angry. Let me put it this way: I'm glad we're friends, and that I'm sitting here safe and sound in this booth and not anywhere near a wrestling ring.

Anywho, I've got word that something big went down in Dulé Zaire's bar, The Last Laugh, last night, and in a first-time ever, but hopefully not last time, collaboration, I'm working with everyone's favorite interviewer, Guy., who was there and may help us piece together what exactly went down.

Guy.! Guy.! Can you hear me?


GUY: I can hear you loud and clear, Osiris. Though I wish there was some way to make you see what I'm looking at here.  

OSIRIS: What's happening? What are you seeing?  

GUY: Nothing's happening now except for a police investigation and attempt at a clean up, and I don't envy them one bit, because I wouldn't even know where to begin. There's shattered glass everywhere, broken tables, a blood pool here, a blood pool there, blood smears on the wall...oh my god, Osiris, there's even blood on the ceiling. On the ceiling!  

OSIRIS: Okay, Guy., okay, okay, okay. Let's try to take it from the top and put together a timeline.  

GUY: Well... there was a huge celebration in the bar last night in anticipation of the tag team match at Ascendance. As a matter of fact, I was supposed to bring a surprise gift Brett put together on the down low. He said Cole Savage owed him a favor for the time he dressed up as "Android," and he finally cashed it in.  

OSIRIS: Was it one of Cole's cars? Please don't tell me you chipped the paint.  

GUY: Even better than a car, Cole gave them each a freshly sewn, one hundred and ONE percent Egyptian Cotton t-shirt for them to wear at the big show.  

OSIRIS: You're kidding me! I'd smack my mama for one of those shirts.  

GUY: The problem is that they were still making the shirts when I arrived to pick them up. So by the time they finished and I got to the bar...well, this is the sight that greeted me.  

OSIRIS: From the sound of things, it probably was for the best that you weren't there when the you-know-what hit the fan.  

GUY: Not to worry, I've managed to round up some eye witnesses who were here. Hey! What's your name, buddy?  

JEBEDIAH: It's Jebediah, brah. Jeb for short.  

GUY: All right, please help us figure out what went down last night.  

JEBEDIAH: So I'm here with the boys from about eight o'clock at night. Let me tell you, buddy, all week long the boss has been working us like slaves we needed that shot of whiskey like a starving man needed a cheeseburger.

We show up, get our usual booth in the back left corner so we can keep an eye on the dance floor in case some babes show up, if you catch my drift.
 

GUY: Of course, of course, but about that fight...  

JEBEDIAH: Don't worry, buddy, I'm getting to that. So we're drinking, we're chatting about how damn close the company got to missing the financial projections for this quarter. And who do I see out of the corner of my eye than the same chick who stood me up a month ago because she came down with diarrhea. She's in here, with some gangly, pale, looking son of a bitch.

So I get up, mind you I'm a few drinks in, I walk up to them and I say, "Hey, this the schmuck you ditched me for?" This chick tries to play nice, diffuse the situation, but I'm feeling some type of way because I haven't gotten laid in quite some time. So I grab this guy by the collar, and I don't even remember what I said to him, next thing I know, though, Ms. Diarrhea throws her drink in my face. I'm about ready to explode, and kill two birds with one stone, if you catch my drift, but my homeboys pulled me apart saying she wasn't worth the time. I say to hell with it, go to the bathroom cause my stomach's feeling kind of funny, and by the time I come back, the whole place looks like a tornado blew through it.
 

GUY: You were in the bathroom? So you didn't see the fight at all?  

JEBEDIAH: I just told you about the fight, brah. The whole bar had their eyes on that shouting match.  

GUY: Oh my god... How about you, miss? Did you catch what happened?  

MARY: Good morning. My name is Mary, and I was, in fact, on the premises during the time of the altercation. There appeared to be a sort of celebration in the middle of the building. The dance floor was cordoned off so that Brett Angel, the wrestler, and Dulé Zaire, the owner of this establishment, were not swarmed by the bar's patrons.

All was going well, until around midnight. It was then that the front doors were kicked open creating a major disturbance in the good vibrations. I was sitting right by the door, and I distinctly recall the one Xander Slate knocking over my glass of wine.


GUY: What a scumbag.  

MARY: It was deeply upsetting. Some of it is spilled onto my brand new white heels, and I fear the stain will not easily be removed. More troubling than that, however, was the impending sense of doom. I watched in a stunned silence as Mr. Zaire yelled at Xander and Randy to leave.  

TOMMY: And then my boy Angel charged right at Slate and all hell broke loose!  

GUY: Excuse me, sir, the lady was talking. You gotta wait your turn!  

MARY: It's quite all right. There is the pressing matter of my shoe I must tend to before the damage becomes irreversible.  

TOMMY: Peace, lady!! So where was I?  

GUY: Can I get your name at least?  

TOMMY: Well my parents named me Tommy, but the ladies call me big T.

GUY: Oh my God...  

TOMMY: So next thing I know, Borton is on top of Slate just beating his face in until Borton chimes in and attacks Angel. Zaire tries to step in, but before he realizes what's happened, Borton gets him in the face with some pepper spray.

So the boss man is out of the picture, and that leaves Angel alone with the Good Brothers. My man Brett got beat like I've never seen another man get beat before. They threw him all around causing all sorts of damage in the process. But then they got cocky and Angel tossed Borton into the wall of liquor. It was raining glass and booze. Just thousands of dollars of the good stuff gone to waste.

I'd be here for hours if I talked about all the crazy stuff that went down. You just had to have been there.  


GUY: Well I wasn't, that's why we're asking you!  

TOMMY: The craziest part, though, was when they split up. Angel was fighting Borton and Slate dragged Zaire into the bathroom. I thought Slate was about to ruin another marriage if you catch my drift.

JEBEDIAH: Yo, that's what I was trying to say earlier, but then I got cut off! I was in the bathroom dropping the kids off at the pool when they come bursting in, yelling and cussing at each other. Next thing I know, Slate tells Zaire, "You have a face only your wife could love" then chucks him into the mirror!

GUY: Hi, yes, miss, your name?  

NATALIE: Hey, it's Nat and this the part that I remember the most clearly. Since it was just Angel and Borton fighting I thought I would take a shot in the dark. It didn't help that I had maybe a bit too much to drink and my girlfriends were egging me on.

So I walked up them and I asked Brett to take a picture with me, and so he takes my phone, bashes Randy over the head with it, and the three of us take a selfie! It was seriously the greatest thing to happen to me. Do you want to see it?


GUY: You sir, anything that you would like to share?

Rex Carter: Well, sure! I saw that one funny lookin' dude that likes milk a whole lot, he was fightin' with that other guy and they was going at it just like me and my cousin, what in the hell was his name? Well I don't know! We use to beat the tar out of each other in my meemaw's backyard, and I'll tell you h'what, ain't got nothing on what these fellers was doing in this here bar. But I'll be lookin' for my own payback, y'hear, cause one of them boys, the big tall one with all his front teeth, he knocked over my god damn beer! But right now I've gotta go get ready for my United States title match! A-huh! Come watch me compete at the DMV!

OSIRIS: Actually, that's all the time we have for this right now folks, we gotta cut to a commercial break, those ads pay the bill. Stay tuned because I know we're gonna have some more details emerging as the day goes on. Catch y'all right after this.

[/b]

_________________
1x CMV Anarchy champion
1x CMV Tag Team champion

Bludgeon

1x Mr. Money in The Bank, 2x World Heavyweight Champion, 1x United States champion, 2x CMV World Tag Team champion, Glammy award for Feud of the Year, Glammy award for Tag Team of the Year (W/Borton), 2x Glammy Award for Heel of the Year
Xander Slate
HOW WAS HE NOT A WORLD CHAMPION!?
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