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(888)SUE-THEM

Post by Childish Meltzer on Wed Dec 27, 2017 1:25 am

There is the exterior of a management building, just then there is a booming voice over, a nice deep voice to wake you up and get you to pay attention.  And there is a number at the bottom of the screen in bright yellow letters, as if you're looking at one of those late night adverts.

CALL (888)SUE-THEM  or (888)783-8436


VOICE OVER
Have you been misrepresented, or in some way been prevented from doing the job you were hired to do?  Are your bosses threatening corrective action or even termination as a result?  You have rights.  You need to understand your rights and only the management agency of Great Heights can represent those rights the right way.

Cut to the interior of, well, not an office, rather to the inside of a darkened room.  A single light bulb hangs down from the ceiling giving light to only a few things in the room, one of which is Lionel Hayes who is sitting there in the dark on a chair with a cell phone in his hands and he’s talking away on the phone without a care in the world that there is a camera sitting right there in front of him.  He speaks quickly with anger in his voice.

Lionel Hayes
Piss on those arugula eating bastards at Great Heights. Why?!  I’ll tell you why.
The ad made a killing, but that’s not my point.  The point is I did all the work, I did all the talking and I get the clients.  I make the money.  Why is it that no one thought to spell check my name in the ad?!

He pauses on the phone to get his response, which doesn’t seem to be sitting too well with him.

Lionel Hayes
That’s all you got?  That’s the worst reason I have ever heard.  Ever.  Great Heights can kiss the blackest part of my rear end, seriously.  Next time I spend all my money on a television commercial I am going to do it the right way, my face and name will take up the whole screen. That’s it.  Copyright that!

He goes to hang up the phone, but is stopped suddenly by the unheard voice on the other end.

Lionel Hayes
What?  Sorry, I didn’t catch that, my reception sucks.  I’m waiting for my new clients… in some dark room with a light bulb hanging down.  I don’t know, but I’d imagine there have got to be at least a thousand things crawling around on the ground.  The quicker they get here the quicker I can sue the makers of the roach spray I already wasted in here.  
Did.  Not.  Work.

Hayes pauses as he pulls his feet up onto the chair he is sitting at.  Someone on the other end continues the conversation on the phone, Hayes’ face twists in confusion.

Lionel Hayes
New clients.  Got them as the result of the advertisement I paid for.  big something, I can’t see what I wrote down.  All I know is that if they're not here in the next two minutes I’m leaving and letting someone else handle this shit.

Just then as the voice on the other end continues to talk and gives Hayes a chuckle Demitrius Bronson and Travis Rothwell begins to walk up to Hayes in the dark room, but Hayes somehow does not notice that two large men are standing over his shoulder.

Lionel Hayes
90% of wrestlers have no charisma or charcter to get them truly far in that industry.  It’s the perfect opportunity to settle and take my fee.
What’s that, 30%? Ha!  Funny, wrestlers aren’t too smart to begin with, I’m going to take at least forty-five percent!

When Hayes says the last bit about 45% being taken Bronson finally speaks.

Demitrius Bronson
What the hell man?

Hayes leaps about three feet from the chair to a standing position, his dark face flushes to pale white and he lets out a scream that even Jamie Lee Curtis would be proud of.

Lionel Hayes
What the hell?

Demitrius Bronson
I asked you first.

Lionel Hayes
You could have given me a heart attack!  A heart attack!  Sneaking up on a man in a dark room is illegal in at least twenty states, I could sue you.  I should sue you.  Making me sit in this nasty room with cockroaches crawling and then sneaking up on me like that.

Bronson and Rothwell share a look and laugh while Hayes clutches his briefcase closely to his chest, hugging it like it was his favorite child.

Lionel Hayes
Why the hell did you two have me wait here?!

The smiles on Big Boys faces fade away as they think about Hayes’ question. Hayes starts to move around the room trying to avoid anything he’s stepping on and still keeping his distance from the large wrestlers.

Travis Rothwell
Because this is room six-C. We were waiting for you in the next room over, six-D.  That one’s much nicer than this one.

Lionel Hayes
You told my secretary six-D...

Demitrius Bronson
Oh, the one with the huge boobs?  I might have looking down her shirt when I told her the room number.  Totally my fault.  There’s a light switch over here on the wall, did you know that?  Should I flip it on or?....

Lionel Hayes
Hell no.

Travis Rothwell
Come on, where’s your sense of adventure?  Maybe there’ll be a dead body in the corner, and then we could try to solve it together.

Rothwell reaches for the light-switch, but Hayes cuts him off before doing so. Hayes returns to clutching his suitcase tightly afterwards.

Lionel Hayes
If there’s a dead body in here, it is because you probably put it in here!  What kind of twisted human being shows up to meet their reprentative in some nasty roach infested motel on the side of the road?”

Bronson and Rothwell thinks about it again.


Both Rothwell and Bronson
Your new clients.

There is a pause between the three.

Demitrius Bronson
How about a hug?

Lionel Hayes
Oh, I rather not.


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Re: (888)SUE-THEM

Post by Decided Villain on Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:13 pm

AMAZING

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