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No Laughing Matter

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No Laughing Matter

Post by Zeb on Sat Oct 21, 2017 4:37 am

The scene that we’re brought into on the CMV.com exclusive video looks vaguely familiar. The bar counter, the tables, the booths...this is the same place Xander Slate and 10|EL had their infamous brawl!

The place doesn’t seem to have recovered properly, completely empty as debris still litters the floor. The cameraman walks through the garbage until he gets to a flight of stairs that takes him to a balcony overlooking this mess.

The only other person seemingly in this dump is a man angrily yelling into his cellphone.

“Hey assholes! Yeah, it’s me again, Dulé Zaire in the flesh. Yeah the same guy from yesterday, the day before that and the weeks before that!

Now, Is this tweedledee or tweedledum that I have the pleasure of speaking with today?

No! You listen to me! I’m sick and tired of running through hoops, jumping through hoops, hula hooping and all the bullshit that you’ve been putting me through since men from YOUR company waltzed into my place of business and trashed the place.

I wish they burned this godforsaken building down because at least then I could have collected some insurance and moved on with my day! Instead I’m stuck with a bar that the city won’t let me operate until I get repairs in order but I can’t afford any repairs cause I CAN’T RUN MY GODDAMN BAR! DO YOU SEE HOW THAT WOULD BE A PROBLEM?”


Zaire takes a deep breath calming himself before continuing.


“Yeah, I know that CMV sent a check, but that wasn’t even enough to cover fixing my front door. Do you know how bad the situation has gotten? I’m nearing the point where I’m considering suing, but I know that if uncle sam goes digging a little too deep then I’M the one who’s going to have to answer questions I don’t wanna answer. I’m in a bit of a bind here and I need your company to stop playing me for a loop and help me help myself.

Go ahead, I’m listening.

Hah! Don’t make me laugh! You’re kidding right? You want me, a businessman, to strip down into my draws and wrestle? I left the business years ago to settle down while I still have my youthful good looks and now you’re telling this fucking hot son of a bitch, who’s drinking what beer he has left, to lace up a pair of boots and get back into that ring? I don’t think so, pal. If you wanna…

How much will I get paid?”


Zaire turns to the cameraman and smiles.


“Forget collecting video footage for the insurance claim, Teddy; I gotta start packing ASAP.”



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Re: No Laughing Matter

Post by Zeb on Mon Nov 06, 2017 11:53 am

As episode two of NGW rolls on, general manager Ken Donahue walks into his office to see Dulé Zaire waiting for him.


{Donahue}
Mr. Zaire! What an...unexpected surprise. Is there something I could help you with?

{Zaire}
Help me?! HAH! The time when I coulda used some goddamned help has come and gone, my friend! But I appreciate your concern. I was hounding this company for MONTHS after two of its finest: 10|EL and Xander whatshisface completely destroyed my bar, and the best I ever got was a big fucking hot load of nothing.

{Donahue}
I'm sorry, Dulé, and I wish there was something I could do to...

{Zaire}
Ah, cut the crap, what the hell are you apologizing for? Sure, I'm pissed, but it's directed to the monkeys with conveniently empty wallets when it's time for them to pay for what they owe. Now I'm not a man who normally believes in this kind of thing, but I gotta think this whole situation is some sorta karma for the way my bar was run and the things that went on in there, and I'm not about to poke the bear on this one.

If these paychecks I'm getting from being in CMV is what it takes to get my business up and running again, then so be it. And the moment it is back, best believe that I'm not hanging around here any longer than I need to. Which is why I wanted to thank you, boss.


The GM uncomfortably shifts his weight.


{Donahue}
Thank me?

{Zaire}
Yeah. Look, between you and me, I know how hard it can be to keep a company with so many moving parts running smoothly, and the cruel truth of this world that we live in is that it's impossible to keep everyone happy. If it makes you feel better, I'm better than happy. These past two weeks I've been getting paid to look good and relax while everyone else risks life and limb in the ring, and that's something I wouldn't mind seeing continue.

{Donahue}
It's nothing personal, and next week I'll be sure to...

{Zaire}
Hah! Don't me laugh! You don't have to do a damn thing. Like I said, I could get used to this. I get all the perks of being back in this godforsaken business with none of the risks! Now, if that ain't livin' life then I don't know what is.

{Donahue}
But Dulé, we do things a little different here in CMV where the winners of each match get a bonus and they...

{Zaire}
I'm gonna stop you right there. What kind of bonus are we talking about?


Ken leans forward and whispers the number in Zaire's ear and his face lights up.


{Donahue}
And it's even more for pay per views...

{Zaire}
Are you kidding me? I coulda won this week and last week and that bonus woulda shaved at least one week off of my bar's repair time. Next week I want the entire roster in one match and I'll laugh my way to the bank to cash that fucking hot check.

{Donahue}
That's not how it wo...

{Zaire}
Nice chat, boss, keep doin' what you're doin'.


Dulé pats the GM on the back before leaving the office, his booming laugh echoing throughout the hallway.


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Re: No Laughing Matter

Post by Zeb on Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:12 pm

As episode three of NGW rolls on, the cameras cut backstage where Dulé Zaire is in the middle of arguing with somebody on the phone.

He groans as he uses his free hand to massage his forehead, "Babe, I promise you I was gonna tell you eventually." He pauses a moment to let the person on the other end of the line speak. "I had no other options, okay? It was either wrestle again or watch as the bar I sacrificed everything to build get shut down forever because I couldn't afford to repair it."

Zaire stands up and starts pacing back and forth in the locker room as the conversation begins to get heated.

"And then what, huh?" he says through clenched teeth. "I just sit on my hands and do nothing? You know that's not how I am--"

He props himself against the locker with one hand while he listens.

"Of course I remember why I retired in the first place, but things are different now." He pauses before adding, "I'm different now. The business is different now. Everything has changed except for the way that you think about things, and I'm starting to remember why we separated in the first place!"

He closes his eyes and bangs his forehead against the locker, immediately regretting his word choice. As he remains silent, it's easy to hear the person on the other end of the phone give him an earful, even if the words themselves can't be deciphered.

"Our children mean everything to me, don't you use them against me, not this time. I let you scare me into believing there was a chance they could grow up with a father who couldn't play with them or hold them, but I'm not young and stupid anymore, just older and stubborn."

Zaire chuckles and he doesn't appear as tense anymore.

"Look, I haven't even wrestled yet. For all I know I'll be able to slip under the radar, collect my paychecks and be out of here without a scratch."

He takes a seat on the bench again.

"Though there was talk about a win bon--all right, all right, all right--forget I mentioned it...See you tonight?"

Phrased as a questioned, Zaire closes his eyes when he gets the answer. He sighs and ends the call before the show cuts back to the action in the ring.



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